In this video from a recent #IGLive, I share some #trauma-informed travel tips.
As I was #grounded from travel for a number of days (thanks CrowdStrike), I thought I'd share with you some #tips that support me in staying #regulated during unprecedented times.
Try these and see what works for you:
🔥 Focus on what you can control
🔥 Ask for what you need
🔥 Wear clothes with pockets to keep your hands free especially those that are versatile and washable (tech fibers don't smell so athleisure gear can be great)
🔥 Pack and use essentials oils like peppermint and lavender
🔥 Watch caffeine intake especially if you are a sensitive sleeper
🔥 Bring magnesium and Passionflower to help you sleep (and avoid dehydrating alcohol if possible as it does disturb sleep)
🔥Travel in comfy walking shoes ideally closed toed (especially when weather is unpredictable and your standing in lines fir hours)
🔥 Keep a list of things you need to buy on your phone (so if you have to buy stuff on travel, you can purchase #sustainably, avoid #fastfashion and keep things out of landfill that you will toss)
🔥 Always have a bit of moisturizer and lip balm on carry on
🔥 Make copies of your prescriptions
🔥 Focus on gratitude
🔥 Social engagement can be very helpful so talk to people
🔥 Help others - being proactive (within reason and respecting your own boundaries) - can be greatly empowering as it is an active nervous system response that can move us out of freeze
Not all of these will be relevant for everyone to be sure. (because yes, indeed, it is a #privilege to fly that most of the world doesn't have access to). But hopefully at least some of these can be added to your toolkit for travel and #wellbeing.
#IGlive #traumainformed #travel #global #Microsoft #outage #GlobalIt #CrowdStrike #corporateprofit #Kloten #sustainability #nervoussystemregulation #traumahealing #resilience #redundancies #Zurich #airport #somatics #somaticexperiencing #somaticexperiencingpracitioner
My (Three) Favorite Things in a Serious Crisis
This is the blog post I never wanted to write.
Picture it:
One moment I’m in nature under gloriously scented pines, reveling in the crisp air, smelling intoxicating coffees percolating at surrounding campsites, hearing the laughter of families and friends on a holiday weekend. The next, a massive fire truck and ambulance are there to tend to my injuries after a brutal, inescapable attack from a canine.
With more and more people turning to somatic modalities for healing stress, anxiety and trauma, (not to mention chronic sleep difficulties, digestive issues, autoimmune conditions and relationship and boundary issues), it’s often easy to overlook how transformative these somatic modalities can be when shock trauma happens.
In a situation of inescapable attack - like with an unpredictable animal, or being robbed at knifepoint or a sexual assault - the nature of the threat is such that it’s often impossible to fight or flee, our first lines of protective responses. When those options don’t work, freeze is often the only other life-saving option available. And while helpful in the short-run, over the long run unless those defensive orienting responses are completed in the nervous system, serious complications can arise.
In this blog post, I share three things I recently did when faced with an inescapable attack to mitigate the likelihood of developing symptoms of post-traumatic stress.
1. Physical support
When I was attacked by a 70 lb dog earlier this year, as good fortune would have it, a park ranger was coming around the bend on a golf cart and saw the whole thing. He asked what I needed and my training as a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner kicked in. When experiencing a shock trauma, the human nervous system needs to co-regulate with another system if at all possible. Intuitively, I asked the kind ranger to place his hand on my shoulder and keep it there for a while.
By doing so, my body avoided going into overwhelm. It trembled and shook, and the supportive physical contact helped my nervous system feel contained.
Later, while we waited for the paramedics to arrive, the other ranger Paige and I sat together back to back. (Also - big shout out to both her and John for their wise compassionate care!)
Because our mammalian nervous system is like that of other animals, our bodies know we are safe and the ordeal is over when we can experience that kind of supportive, non-judgmental physical contact.
Just like you will intuitively kiss a child’s boo boo, offering physical contact in the moment can do a lot to prevent the development of long term symptoms (like in my case avoiding places where there are large dogs or going camping again, a common symptom of unresolved post-traumatic stress).
It certainly did for my system.
2. Singing
As we waited for care to arrive on the narrow mountain road under the majestic trees, I was reminded of and started spontaneously singing the childhood classic “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music:
When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad!
And while the lyrics were helpful, what was really powerful was that my nervous system was naturally reaching for a very wise strategy.
The vagus nerve, the largest nerve in the body, contributes greatly to our self-regulation. The ability to calm down when we are too agitated – but also to reach for the healthy aggression that can often help protect us – is all related to the functioning of this massive nerve. Things that help support vagal tone including humming, chanting and singing, and spontaneous social engagement.
By singing, not only was my mind distracted from the blood gushing down my leg and the searing pain (Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel, doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles), but I was able to discharge some of the build up of energy that could have easily lead to an anxiety or panic attack or even shock, a critical condition brought on by the sudden drop in blood flow through the body.
Plus when Paige joined in and sang with me, I actually had a moment of relief in what could have been an utterly terrifying and isolating experience. (Remember one definition of trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond).
Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond.
By discharging the high level of energy in my system in a conscious way supported by presence, I was able to advocate for myself and hopefully prevent further traumatization (which often happens after a shocking incident like a car accident, fall, or dog bite).
3. Social engagement
After experiencing some physical support with contact from the park rangers, followed by the singing, there was one more piece that helped me regulate enough to be able to think clearly.
When the massive fire truck and paramedics arrived, I let the folks near me know it was important to speak in low voices. I also gently let them know that, despite the fact that it was a sunny summer morning, I needed the emergency response folks who were helping me to take off their sunglasses to make eye contact with me.
(I should add that it was wonderful, empowering and affirming that they did - and not something I took for granted or would have necessarily happened for others, unfortunately).
Again, because we are mammals, the need for contact with other mammals of the same species was incredibly helpful to my limbic system and other subcortical brain structures. These are the parts of the brain that keep our hearts beating, our lungs pumping and keep us alive with no conscious effort on our part.
This system (the autonomic nervous system) is what is keeping you alive all day every day.
Because eye contact is one of the primary ways we attach to other human beings for safety (check out what a baby does when there is a loud sound - it will often orient to the eyes of the primary caregiver), it’s incredibly helpful. If you’ve ever tried to have an intimate conversation with someone wearing sunglasses or glued to their phone and felt really uncomfortable, this is why.
By simply letting folks know that my nervous system needed low voices and eye contact (kind of like a vulnerable baby does), the experience of medical intervention was far less jarring and traumatic.
While I certainly would have preferred to enjoy an easy weekend of camping, by having these somatic tools in my back pocket and using them, I’m hopeful I’ll continue to recover from my injuries.
I hope you’ll reflect on these tools for regulation and how you might use them not only in a crisis, but in your daily life - at home, at work, on vacation and with the populations you serve. By doing so, you are taking an active role in your own healing and that of us all.
Let me know how it goes!
Ready to take the next step in your healing? The Refuge of Boundaries experience is coming in the fall of 2023. Click here to get on the list and be the first to know when doors open.
Three Things You Need to Know About Boundaries
In this blog post, we’ll explore:
What are healthy boundaries?
The role of the nervous system
Dos and Don’ts of boundary setting
While learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries is a life-long practice and skill for many, there are a few things that you need to know to get started.
What are healthy boundaries?
Healthy physical, emotional, financial, sexual, personal and spiritual boundaries are fundamentally about safety, respect and containment. At their best, like the skin, healthy boundaries allow what is nurturing and nourishing to come in, and keep out all the rest.
When boundaries are functioning best, they are firm and flexible.
But what does it look like when our boundaries aren’t so ideal?
We might have walls for protection, meaning we block out any contact or incoming energy. On the other hand, we may adapt by having extremely porous boundaries where we basically take in everything around us without a filter. Both of these adaptations may be helpful at times, but healing trauma invites us to look towards cultivating boundaries that can take in a helpful amount and type of energetic information, and protect us from anything that isn’t.
For example, you might go through a painful divorce or breakup and say “Never again!” to dating or romantic relationships. That’s an example of a wall.
Or maybe you can’t say no when your kids ask you for something or you spend money on stuff after you’ve promised yourself (yet again) not to do that. Those are examples of more porous boundaries.
Now there’s nothing wrong with using walls or the absence of them. In fact, they are both common after we’ve experienced trauma - and one of the most common symptoms I see in my Somatic Experiencing clients. They are in fact life saving. But when we can strengthen our boundaries - being more flexible where we are rigid and more solid where we are open - we can have many more choices and opportunities to thrive personally and professionally.
We move from fixity to flow, rigidity to choice, compulsion to curiosity.
The role of the nervous system
Along with our cultural environment, our brain and nervous system are among the primary creators of our boundaries.
Different systems in the brain relate to different parts of our energetic boundary system.
Our physical boundaries are related to our skin and the most ancient part of the brain. The brain scans the environment (approximately four times per second in fact) to make sure our skin isn’t being touched in a way that is harmful or dangerous. This scanning is automatic in our brain stem, just as it is in the reptiles and our evolutionary elders.
Our emotional and psychological boundaries are related to our limbic system, the subcortical structures of the brain. Our psychological boundaries are formed when we are children. When there is proper attunement and mirroring of our emotional landscape, we learn what our emotional identity is, and how it is different from those around us.
For example, a two-year old having a tantrum might be offered a reflection, “Oh, it looks like you’re mad. You want to play with your toy, don’t you? It’s ok to be mad and right now it’s time for you to get dressed.” The child learns about the emotion “mad”, that it’s ok to feel that way, and that it is her feeling – no one else’s. With regular attunement, the child’s brain learns to know that her feelings and thoughts are ok, and to differentiate from those in her environment. She isn’t enmeshed with the feelings of those around her, but can clearly see where she starts and ends.
These psychological boundaries also allow in information that is true and keep out what isn’t. For example, if you’re told you are a blue truck, you might be able to keep that information out - because you know very well that you aren’t.
Finally, our ability to keep our word to ourselves and practice impulse control (what might be called a containing boundary) is situated in the neocortex, the newest and most uniquely human part of the brain. This thin layer of gray matter is active when we keep to our commitment to finish the project rather than binging on Netflix, put down the phone and get a good night’s sleep rather than scrolling social media and finish one project before starting the next.
Knowing about the role of the brain and nervous system is helpful for generating compassion with ourselves when learning about boundaries. These adaptations took some time to develop, and they require time to evolve. The good news though is that with attention and intention - coupled with the miracle of neuroplasticity - our nervous system and boundaries can become more functional and life-affirming.
Dos and Don’ts of boundary setting
Once we’ve established physical, psychological and personal boundaries, next up we can begin the practice of creating and maintaining them in our relationships. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that, if we aren’t first able to honor these foundational internal boundaries, it will be nearly impossible to have them with others. So to get started with setting limits with others, we have to begin even closer to home – with ourselves.
Yes you heard that right - don’t even try to set boundaries with your colleagues at work or your mother, if you haven’t first cultivated your own personal boundaries.
In other words, when you can respect your physical integrity (and that of others), your emotional self (and the emotions or psychology of those around you without being unduly impacted) and your internal commitments (like when you say you are going to meditate every day for 20 minutes), you can then begin to communicate and execute boundaries far more effectively with others.
Here are a few tips to get you started.
DO:
Learn about boundaries
Practice
Start with yourself
Let go of the quick-fix
Begin with the low hanging fruit
Take the win
Get support
DON’T
Start with the most challenging relationships
Ask other people to do for you what you aren’t doing for yourself
Make threats you won’t carry out
Generating healthy boundaries is one of the best things we can do for our physical, emotional, financial and spiritual health, and most of us need a little help along the way.
If you’d like to strengthen your boundaries, reach out to a mental health provider, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, trauma-informed coach or find a class. There are so many ways to to support your growth in this way — just find your way to get started. Whether it’s cognitively (by reading blog posts and books), somatically (through embodied practices) or experientially (through trial and error), you can heal and transform your boundaries for better health, relationships and financial abundance. By learning about healthy boundaries, the role or your nervous system and the dos and dont’s of boundary setting, you are already on your way.
THE REFUGE OF BOUNDARIES experience IS NOW OPEn for registration for a limited time. join us for our first live session on may 11th. click here for the details & to register.
{QUIZ} 7 Questions For Your Healing Journey
If you’ve been on a path of personal growth and transformation for a while, it can be easy to forget how far you’ve come or to assess your progress.
Similarly, if you are just beginning your journey of healing mind-body-spirit, you might be wondering where to begin.
This short (by no means comprehensive) quiz can help you get a better sense of where you are, and the areas of attention you might want to explore.
(Plus, who doesn’t love a good quiz?)
Have fun with it, be gentle with yourself and check out the additional resources below!
Subtle Energy Anatomy
Assessment Quiz
Do you have difficulty trusting others, have chronic illness or experience a lack of prosperity and stability in your life?
Do you frequently become overwhelmed by your emotions or, conversely, have a hard time expressing them at all?
Does your sense of self-esteem or self-confidence come from your career, looks, body, income, relationships or anything else that can be taken away from you rather than your relationship with Source?
Do you tend to give more in relationships than you receive, have a hard time asking for help or truly forgiving those that have harmed you?
Do you have difficulty speaking your truth, especially to those you are intimate with or with authority figures?
Do you have tons of ideas but rarely bring them into fruition or spend lots of time engaging in fantasy to the detriment of building the life your heart desires?
Do you love to read and collect information but fail to apply it in your life (in other words, are you frequently up in your head)?
If you answered yes to one or two of these questions, it might be helpful to learn more about your energetic anatomy.
If you answered yes to three or more, you would likely benefit from learning more about how your mind, body and spirit are connected through the subtle energy body and joining the Eastern Body Western Mind Book Study Group.
4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing
Research and anecdotal evidence both suggest yoga is beneficial for all kinds of things: physical strength, balance and flexibility, relief of neck and back pain, better sleep, and more.
What fewer people realize, is that yoga can also be a powerful ally in the healing of relational, shock and systemic trauma.
Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, is a clinical psychiatrist whose work attempts to integrate mind, brain, body, and social connections to understand and treat trauma. He is the author of The New York Times bestselling book The Body Keeps the Score and writes:
When people think about trauma, they generally think of it as a historical event that happened some time ago. Trauma is actually the residue from the past as it settles into your body. It’s located inside your own skin. When people are traumatized, they become afraid of their physical sensations; their breathing becomes shallow, and they become uptight and frightened about what they’re feeling inside. When you slow down your breathing with yoga, you can increase your heart rate variability, and that decreases stress. Yoga opens you up to feeling every aspect of your body’s sensations. It’s a gentle, safe way for people to befriend their bodies, where the trauma of the past is stored.
In this video, I share just a few of the many ways yoga helps the healing of trauma.
4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing
Yoga can alleviate pain and discomfort in the body.
For many people, emotional pain can also be physically painful.
As Nikki Myers says, “Our issues live in our tissues.” Yoga can be extremely helpful to relieve some of that pain, especially if you are doing a gentle, trauma-informed yoga practice.
If you’re in severe grief or emotional pain – whether because of the death of a loved one, a break up, or the latest mass shooting – those 15-30 minutes on the yoga mat can be a blessing of (non-addictive) pain-relief.
2. Yoga can reduce the physical tension in the body which often causes us to be reactive.
Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond. When we experience difficult events, our bodies produce a series of chemicals. If we are lucky enough to process the event and our big emotions in the moment, it often passes without leaving a long-term residue on our nervous system.
But if there’s no time to process those big feelings - and discharge those chemicals - they often end up turning into the tension we experience in our bodies. Yoga helps us let go of the physical tension and the old emotions that can cause us to be reactive in our relationships, at work and in our public lives.
Feeling the feelings isn’t always fun, but for our long-term health and well-being it’s a must.
3. Practicing yoga can be a chance to learn about, cultivate and use boundaries.
When I went to my first yoga classes many years ago, I was definitely not a fan.
I was comparing myself to everyone in the room and couldn’t keep up. I felt so awkward. It took me many years to find yoga that was my jam …
And what a teacher taught me was that, if i was in yoga thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow or next week, I wasn’t practicing good boundaries. That really got me curious.
The invitation was to keep my focus on what was actually happening on my yoga mat. So I started to actually notice when something was causing me to take my attention from what was happening right there in the room.
This is so important because folks who experience stress, anxiety and trauma (and especially folks in the helping professions or people who are givers), often have boundaries that aren’t necessarily strong and healthy. Maybe we over give or over share and then feel ashamed we did that. Or we have difficulty saying no.
That’s certainly been part of my journey.
So on the yoga mat (or chair), it’s a great chance to practice boundaries and keep coming back to what’s actually happening right here in the moment. As we practice bringing our awareness to our sensations, breath, thoughts and emotions that are on the mat, we are learning to cultivate boundaries. This is important because if our boundaries are intact, we can respond to the challenges of life in a much more proactive way and avoid becoming victimized again.
4. When practiced with mindfulness, it can be a way of learning about and accepting yourself exactly the way you are.
If you compare yourself to other people - and are either the best in the room or the worst - you’re probably also lacking in self-compassion. Learning mindful self-acceptance is a huge game changer - especially if you are looking to change.
Why?
Because shame (a tool many of us use to whip ourselves into shape) never causes anyone to make sustainable long-term healthy changes. Let’s face it - if it worked, you wouldn’t be here reading this looking for another approach.
So when we bring a spirit of non-judgmental acceptance of ourselves exactly the way we are, and truly practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, we can also be much more accepting and inclusive of others.
And a BONUS ….
If you want to see the world become a place where there’s greater justice, equality, opportunity for all regardless of race, religion, gender, ability, class, sexual orientation, or any other element of identity, then you know compassion and acceptance of yourself is the beginning of compassion and acceptance for others. Among the best ways you can contribute to making the world a better place, is with self-acceptance and self-compassion. You’ve heard it said again and again but we truly must be the change we want to see in the world!