Global Tech Meltdown? Here are some top trauma-informed travel tips to keep you sane

In this video from a recent #IGLive, I share some #trauma-informed travel tips.

As I was #grounded from travel for a number of days (thanks CrowdStrike), I thought I'd share with you some #tips that support me in staying #regulated during unprecedented times.

Try these and see what works for you:

🔥 Focus on what you can control
🔥 Ask for what you need
🔥 Wear clothes with pockets to keep your hands free especially those that are versatile and washable (tech fibers don't smell so athleisure gear can be great)
🔥 Pack and use essentials oils like peppermint and lavender
🔥 Watch caffeine intake especially if you are a sensitive sleeper
🔥 Bring magnesium and Passionflower to help you sleep (and avoid dehydrating alcohol if possible as it does disturb sleep)
🔥Travel in comfy walking shoes ideally closed toed (especially when weather is unpredictable and your standing in lines fir hours)
🔥 Keep a list of things you need to buy on your phone (so if you have to buy stuff on travel, you can purchase #sustainably, avoid #fastfashion and keep things out of landfill that you will toss)
🔥 Always have a bit of moisturizer and lip balm on carry on
🔥 Make copies of your prescriptions
🔥 Focus on gratitude
🔥 Social engagement can be very helpful so talk to people
🔥 Help others - being proactive (within reason and respecting your own boundaries) - can be greatly empowering as it is an active nervous system response that can move us out of freeze

Not all of these will be relevant for everyone to be sure. (because yes, indeed, it is a #privilege to fly that most of the world doesn't have access to). But hopefully at least some of these can be added to your toolkit for travel and #wellbeing.

#IGlive #traumainformed #travel #global #Microsoft #outage #GlobalIt #CrowdStrike #corporateprofit #Kloten #sustainability #nervoussystemregulation #traumahealing #resilience #redundancies #Zurich #airport #somatics #somaticexperiencing #somaticexperiencingpracitioner

Three Things You Need to Know About Boundaries 

In this blog post, we’ll explore:

  • What are healthy boundaries?

  • The role of the nervous system

  • Dos and Don’ts of boundary setting

While learning how to create and maintain healthy boundaries is a life-long practice and skill for many, there are a few things that you need to know to get started.

  • What are healthy boundaries?

Healthy physical, emotional, financial, sexual, personal and spiritual boundaries are fundamentally about safety, respect and containment. At their best, like the skin, healthy boundaries allow what is nurturing and nourishing to come in, and keep out all the rest.


When boundaries are functioning best, they are firm and flexible. 


But what does it look like when our boundaries aren’t so ideal?


We might have walls for protection, meaning we block out any contact or incoming energy. On the other hand, we may adapt by having extremely porous boundaries where we basically take in everything around us without a filter. Both of these adaptations may be helpful at times, but healing trauma invites us to look towards cultivating boundaries that can take in a helpful amount and type of energetic information, and protect us from anything that isn’t.


For example, you might go through a painful divorce or breakup and say “Never again!” to dating or romantic relationships. That’s an example of a wall. 


Or maybe you can’t say no when your kids ask you for something or you spend money on stuff after you’ve promised yourself (yet again) not to do that. Those are examples of more porous boundaries. 

Now there’s nothing wrong with using walls or the absence of them. In fact, they are both common after we’ve experienced trauma - and one of the most common symptoms I see in my Somatic Experiencing clients.  They are in fact life saving. But when we can strengthen our boundaries - being more flexible where we are rigid and more solid where we are open - we can have many more choices and opportunities to thrive personally and professionally. 

We move from fixity to flow, rigidity to choice, compulsion to curiosity. 


  • The role of the nervous system

Along with our cultural environment, our brain and nervous system are among the primary creators of our boundaries. 


Different systems in the brain relate to different parts of our energetic boundary system. 


Our physical boundaries are related to our skin and the most ancient part of the brain. The brain scans the environment (approximately four times per second in fact) to make sure our skin isn’t being touched in a way that is harmful or dangerous. This scanning is automatic in our brain stem, just as it is in the reptiles and our evolutionary elders. 


Our emotional and psychological boundaries are related to our limbic system, the subcortical structures of the brain. Our psychological boundaries are formed when we are children. When there is proper attunement and mirroring of our emotional landscape, we learn what our emotional identity is, and how it is different from those around us. 

For example, a two-year old having a tantrum might be offered a reflection, “Oh, it looks like you’re mad. You want to play with your toy, don’t you? It’s ok to be mad and right now it’s time for you to get dressed.” The child learns about the emotion “mad”, that it’s ok to feel that way, and that it is her feeling – no one else’s. With regular attunement, the child’s brain learns to know that her feelings and thoughts are ok, and to differentiate from those in her environment. She isn’t enmeshed with the feelings of those around her, but can clearly see where she starts and ends.


These psychological boundaries also allow in information that is true and keep out what isn’t. For example, if you’re told you are a blue truck, you might be able to keep that information out - because you know very well that you aren’t. 


Finally, our ability to keep our word to ourselves and practice impulse control (what might be called a containing boundary) is situated in the neocortex, the newest and most uniquely human part of the brain. This thin layer of gray matter is active when we keep to our commitment to finish the project rather than binging on Netflix, put down the phone and get a good night’s sleep rather than scrolling social media and finish one project before starting the next.


Knowing about the role of the brain and nervous system is helpful for generating compassion with ourselves when learning about boundaries. These adaptations took some time to develop, and they require time to evolve. The good news though is that with attention and intention - coupled with the miracle of neuroplasticity - our nervous system and boundaries can become more functional and life-affirming.


  • Dos and Don’ts of boundary setting

Once we’ve established physical, psychological and personal boundaries, next up we can begin the practice of creating and maintaining them in our relationships. One of the most important things to keep in mind is that, if we aren’t first able to honor these foundational internal boundaries, it will be nearly impossible to have them with others. So to get started with setting limits with others, we have to begin even closer to home – with ourselves.

Yes you heard that right - don’t even try to set boundaries with your colleagues at work or your mother, if you haven’t first cultivated your own personal boundaries. 


In other words, when you can respect your physical integrity (and that of others), your emotional self (and the emotions or psychology of those around you without being unduly impacted) and your internal commitments (like when you say you are going to meditate every day for 20 minutes), you can then begin to communicate and execute boundaries far more effectively with others. 


Here are a few tips to get you started. 


DO: 

  • Learn about boundaries

  • Practice 

  • Start with yourself

  • Let go of the quick-fix

  • Begin with the low hanging fruit 

  • Take the win

  • Get support


DON’T

  • Start with the most challenging relationships

  • Ask other people to do for you what you aren’t doing for yourself

  • Make threats you won’t carry out

Generating healthy boundaries is one of the best things we can do for our physical, emotional, financial and spiritual health, and most of us need a little help along the way. 

If you’d like to strengthen your boundaries, reach out to a mental health provider, Somatic Experiencing Practitioner, trauma-informed coach or find a class. There are so many ways to to support your growth in this way — just find your way to get started. Whether it’s cognitively (by reading blog posts and books), somatically (through embodied practices) or experientially (through trial and error), you can heal and transform your boundaries for better health, relationships and financial abundance. By learning about healthy boundaries, the role or your nervous system and the dos and dont’s of boundary setting, you are already on your way.

THE REFUGE OF BOUNDARIES experience IS NOW OPEn for registration for a limited time. join us for our first live session on may 11th. click here for the details & to register.

{QUIZ} 7 Questions For Your Healing Journey

If you’ve been on a path of personal growth and transformation for a while, it can be easy to forget how far you’ve come or to assess your progress.

Similarly, if you are just beginning your journey of healing mind-body-spirit, you might be wondering where to begin.

This short (by no means comprehensive) quiz can help you get a better sense of where you are, and the areas of attention you might want to explore.

(Plus, who doesn’t love a good quiz?)

Have fun with it, be gentle with yourself and check out the additional resources below!

Subtle Energy Anatomy

Assessment Quiz 

  1. Do you have difficulty trusting others, have chronic illness or experience a lack of prosperity and stability in your life? 

  2. Do you frequently become overwhelmed by your emotions or, conversely, have a hard time expressing them at all? 

  3. Does your sense of self-esteem or self-confidence come from your career, looks, body, income, relationships or anything else that can be taken away from you rather than your relationship with Source?

  4. Do you tend to give more in relationships than you receive, have a hard time asking for help or truly forgiving those that have harmed you?

  5. Do you have difficulty speaking your truth, especially to those you are intimate with or with authority figures?

  6. Do you have tons of ideas but rarely bring them into fruition or spend lots of time engaging in fantasy to the detriment of building the life your heart desires?

  7. Do you love to read and collect information but fail to apply it in your life (in other words, are you frequently up in your head)?



If you answered yes to one or two of these questions, it might be helpful to learn more about your energetic anatomy. 

If you answered yes to three or more, you would likely benefit from learning more about how your mind, body and spirit are connected through the subtle energy body and joining the Eastern Body Western Mind Book Study Group.


4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing

Research and anecdotal evidence both suggest yoga is beneficial for all kinds of things: physical strength, balance and flexibility, relief of neck and back pain, better sleep, and more.


What fewer people realize, is that yoga can also be a powerful ally in the healing of relational, shock and systemic trauma.


Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD, is a clinical psychiatrist whose work attempts to integrate mind, brain, body, and social connections to understand and treat trauma. He is the author of The New York Times bestselling book The Body Keeps the Score and writes:


When people think about trauma, they generally think of it as a historical event that happened some time ago. Trauma is actually the residue from the past as it settles into your body. It’s located inside your own skin. When people are traumatized, they become afraid of their physical sensations; their breathing becomes shallow, and they become uptight and frightened about what they’re feeling inside. When you slow down your breathing with yoga, you can increase your heart rate variability, and that decreases stress. Yoga opens you up to feeling every aspect of your body’s sensations. It’s a gentle, safe way for people to befriend their bodies, where the trauma of the past is stored.



In this video, I share just a few of the many ways yoga helps the healing of trauma.

4 Ways Yoga Helps Trauma Healing



  1. Yoga can alleviate pain and discomfort in the body.

For many people, emotional pain can also be physically painful.

As Nikki Myers says, “Our issues live in our tissues.” Yoga can be extremely helpful to relieve some of that pain, especially if you are doing a gentle, trauma-informed yoga practice.


If you’re in severe grief or emotional pain – whether because of the death of a loved one, a break up, or the latest mass shooting – those 15-30 minutes on the yoga mat can be a blessing of (non-addictive) pain-relief. 



2. Yoga can reduce the physical tension in the body which often causes us to be reactive.

Trauma is anything that overwhelms our capacity to cope, and leaves us feeling helpless, hopeless or unable to respond. When we experience difficult events, our bodies produce a series of chemicals. If we are lucky enough to process the event and our big emotions in the moment, it often passes without leaving a long-term residue on our nervous system. 


But if there’s no time to process those big feelings - and discharge those chemicals - they often end up turning into the tension we experience in our bodies. Yoga helps us let go of the physical tension and the old emotions that can cause us to be reactive in our relationships, at work and in our public lives.


Feeling the feelings isn’t always fun, but for our long-term health and well-being it’s a must.




3. Practicing yoga can be a chance to learn about, cultivate and use boundaries.

When I went to my first yoga classes many years ago, I was definitely not a fan. 


I was comparing myself to everyone in the room and couldn’t keep up. I felt so awkward. It took me many years to find yoga that was my jam …



And what a teacher taught me was that, if i was in yoga thinking about what was going to happen tomorrow or next week, I wasn’t practicing good boundaries. That really got me curious. 



The invitation was to keep my focus on what was actually happening on my yoga mat. So I started to actually notice when something was causing me to take my attention from what was happening right there in the room.



This is so important because folks who experience stress, anxiety and trauma (and especially folks in the helping professions or people who are givers), often have boundaries that aren’t necessarily strong and healthy. Maybe we over give or over share and then feel ashamed we did that. Or we have difficulty saying no.



That’s certainly been part of my journey. 



So on the yoga mat (or chair), it’s a great chance to practice boundaries and keep coming back to what’s actually happening right here in the moment. As we practice bringing our awareness to our sensations, breath, thoughts and emotions that are on the mat, we are learning to cultivate boundaries. This is important because if our boundaries are intact, we can respond to the challenges of life in a much more proactive way and avoid becoming victimized again.





4. When practiced with mindfulness, it can be a way of learning about and accepting yourself exactly the way you are. 

If you compare yourself to other people - and are either the best in the room or the worst - you’re probably also lacking in self-compassion. Learning mindful self-acceptance is a huge game changer - especially if you are looking to change. 



Why? 



Because shame (a tool many of us use to whip ourselves into shape) never causes anyone to make sustainable long-term healthy changes. Let’s face it - if it worked, you wouldn’t be here reading this looking for another approach. 



So when we bring a spirit of non-judgmental acceptance of ourselves exactly the way we are, and truly practice self-compassion and self-acceptance, we can also be much more accepting and inclusive of others.



And a BONUS …. 



If you want to see the world become a place where there’s greater justice, equality, opportunity for all regardless of race, religion, gender, ability, class, sexual orientation, or any other element of identity, then you know compassion and acceptance of yourself is the beginning of compassion and acceptance for others. Among the best ways you can contribute to making the world a better place, is with self-acceptance and self-compassion. You’ve heard it said again and again but we truly must be the change we want to see in the world!


If you’re looking to transform stress, anxiety and trauma into resilience, I hope these four ways yoga can help will inspire you to take the self-care actions you need to thrive. After all, you deserve it!