How to Get Motivated When You're Stuck - COVID19 Edition

If you’re a regular reader of the blog, then I know at least 2 things about you:

1. You’ve likely experienced stress, anxiety or trauma.

2. You care deeply about making a meaningful impact in the world.

Between the two of those things, and what trauma-informed yoga therapist De Jur calls, “The Global Retreat” caused by the pandemics of COVID19, racism and economic recession, my guess is that finding your mojo these days can be tough.

Recently there was a discussion in my on-going Group coaching program about how to get and stay motivated when you’re stuck in these incredibly challenging and poignant times.

Between the heat of the dog days of summer, the stress on parents with school-aged kids, and the upcoming election, it’s no surprise you might want to bury your head in the sand and take a 10 year nap.

Let me be clear: there are days when cultivating somatic awareness, listening to your body and staying in bed is definitely the wisest thing to do. 

And, for many of us, particularly folks who have been carrying too much of a burden for far too long, that’s often the most compassionate and loving thing to do.

But if that’s not you, how can you get up and go, when your giddy-up has up and gone?

Here are three questions I shared with my Group that might help you get motivated when you’re stuck around your personal, professional and spiritual goals, too:

1. What’s the smallest action you can take without your resistance kicking in?

Let’s say you’re a marathon runner. You love to go on long runs, with the wind in your hair and open country ahead of you. But when it’s 100 plus degrees out, even with a treadmill in your guest room, you can’t get motivated to move. 

Instead of trying to do the kind of run that you usually do, what’s the tiniest action you can take without your resistance kicking? 

Could you do one mile? 

Nope.

Still too much? What about half a mile?

Hmmmmm …

How about 100 yards?

The trick here is to reduce your expectations of yourself in the short-term by so much and make them so low that you cannot possibly fail. 

By focusing on the smallest action you can, you set yourself up for a win which boosts your self-esteem, gets you off of the endless Tiger King binge you’ve been on and breaks deadly inertia.

2. Can you use bookending to support you?

I absolutely love what I do for a living.

Helping folks master resilience to stress, anxiety and trauma in order to have a more meaningful impact in the world is my jam. It’s pretty much my favorite thing in the world (besides swimming in the Aegean, but that’s for another blog post).

But the one thing I still don’t love doing is accounting and bookkeeping and taxes.

(Can I hear an amen, my intuitive-feeler readers?)

Left to my own devices, I’ll put it off way too long.

What helps me, instead, is to use a practice called bookending, which creates some inner motivation and helps me engage with others. 

With bookending you have a goal in mind.

Say you want to spend 1 hour working on your taxes (or going for a run, or meditating for 20 minutes, or getting onto your yoga mat after weeks of eating too much Halo Top on the sofa). 

Next you commit to someone what you’re going to do and when. It’s usually a good idea for this to be a person who isn’t deeply impacted by your decision but wants to support you. It could be a friend, a co-worker or an Accountability Partner, like the ones in my Group Coaching program. 

Finally, when you’ve completed the task, you “bookend” the action, to once again reach out to your Accountability Partner and let them know you’ve done so. 

This ending ritual in particular is super important and is magic for self-esteem.

By doing so, not only do you get stuff done and keep moving forward with your goals, but you might even inspire someone else to take action, too. A win-win for sure! 

3. How can I create some regular accountability for myself in this area?

Our culture is obsessed with the toxic-fantasy of the self-made man (or woman). 

This is not news to you, I’m sure. 

The compulsion to pull yourself up by your bootstraps is one that many of us have learned is the only way of living that has value. Our egos get so wrapped up in doing things alone, that we don’t achieve what we could if we had just a little support. 

Full disclosure: I’m an unmarried only child and a double Leo. 

 Let’s just say that, like the sun, my ego can get so big because part of me still falls into the trap of believing the oppressive lie that, for something to count, I need to do it all by myself.

Thankfully, I’m supported by a number of spiritual, professional and activist communities that remind me that I can only show up for the work I’m meant to do in the world if I allow myself to be supported. Just the simple act of checking in with my authentic communities - where I can show up as my wholehearted, fabulous, and sometimes completely insane self - helps me stay accountable for my bigger purpose. 

Folks in my Group coaching program see that, too. 

They regularly create accountability for personal (“I’m gonna finally build that bookcase I’ve been staring at for months!”), professional (“Finally, I’m going to commit to launching that Healing Circle I’ve been talking about for ages!”) and spiritual goals (“I’m going to stay accountable for keeping my word this week to myself as well as to others”).

What matters is that you let someone (or some community where you can show up authentically) witness your goals, speak them and then take action around staying accountable. 

The bottom line, my dear one, is that right now, things are tough. 

Years from now, we’ll look back on this time inshallah and see how we used this seminal moment in our history. 

Not just what we felt, but what we did as Kamala so brilliantly reminded us.

My hope for all of us is that we use it wisely.

With these three questions you can check in to help yourself get motivated when you’re stuck.

For your benefit. And for the benefit of all those whose lives you touch. 

Interested in getting some support to stay on track with your personal, professional, and spiritual goals? Check out my justice pricing-based Mastering Resilience On-Going Group Coaching program here. 

Why You Shouldn't Forget The Past

Years ago, a shaman told me something that forever changed the way I looked at my past and really my whole life.

I had gone to an Amazonian plant medicine ceremony as a way of releasing and transforming trauma. 

After years of talk and other kinds of therapies, the painful past was still very much alive and well in me. 

In my discomfort and desperation, all I wanted was to be free, once and for all, of the burdens of the past that kept me chained in place, unable to move forward in my life. 

If I could have mercilessly cut the past off like an overgrown fungus that ruined the garden of my present day reality, that’s exactly what I would have done.

But then, a dark haired, brown-eyed medicine woman who had spent years deep in the jungle learning to listen to its wisdom shared with me something that still brings me chills whenever I think about it:

“Rather than wanting to cut the past off,” she suggested, “think of the past as your medicine. That it is the sacred medicine that you can offer to other living beings -  your precious and sacred gift, your unique contribution to the healing of yourself and the world. Turned outward, in the service of others, it is your gold.”

Listening to these words, I could feel every cell in my body light up, as if being charged with an electrical current that connected everything from the depth of my bellybutton to the outermost stars in the cosmos. I could see that I was part of what Buddhist’s call the web of kindness that connects all of life and that, rather than being something to be surgically removed with a sharp knife, my past was actually the most precious gift I had to offer the world. 

I thought of this story recently when a woman in my group coaching program mentioned how angry and frustrated she was with the uncaring response to the covid crisis among her friends and close family. How what was being revealed in this particular apocalypse (and remember the Greek word means “uncovering”) wasn’t love and light, but rather a marked difference in values that had long been papered over merely for the sake of getting along.

I could really relate to playing the role of the peacekeeper and not wanting to rock the boat lest other people be uncomfortable.

Like her I, too, have spent far too much of my life wanting other people and society to change, rather than risking the courage of offering my own medicine as a balm for the wounds of others. 

Today I can look back on the times I lacked the courage to challenge injustice and said nothing with deep compassion. It’s one of many ways I continue to mine the gold from the past, and encourage my psychedelic integration clients to do the same. 

I also know that the greatest medicine I can offer the world is that of my own past. 

I cannot cut it off, for that would be like a tree cutting itself off from its roots. 

But I can trust that, in the healing light of presence and compassion, it is the most sacred medicine that I, and perhaps any of us, have to offer for the healing of the world. 

July Community Support Call

Join me for a FREE Community Support Call on Friday, July 31st from 10 - 11:30 am.

This is for anyone who is looking for tools and practices to deal with stress, anxiety and trauma in these unprecedented times in a supportive community setting.

My intention is to support us in connecting with ourselves and others as we navigate the uncertainty of this moment.

There will be a community check in, practices that may include meditation, gentle chair-based yoga for all bodies, somatic ways of releasing stress, tension and anxiety in real time, plus sharing and Q and A.

The call is FREE to join, but you must REGISTER HERE to attend.

June Community Support Call

Join me for a FREE Community Support Call on Tuesday, June 30th from 10 - 11:30 am.

This is for anyone who is looking for tools and practices to deal with stress, anxiety and trauma in these unprecedented times in a supportive community setting.

My intention is to support us in connecting with ourselves and others as we navigate the uncertainty of this moment.

There will be a community check in, practices that may include meditation, gentle chair-based yoga for all bodies, somatic ways of releasing stress, tension and anxiety in real time, plus sharing and Q and A.

The call is free to join, but you must REGISTER HERE to reserve your spot.

3 Reasons Why Your Intentions Aren't Materializing (and What To Do Instead)

Setting intentions is a must for anyone wanting to create true and lasting change in their lives.

But how we set our intentions can make all the difference.

Here are three major reasons why perhaps your intentions aren’t materializing the way you’d like and what you might consider trying instead.

1. Your intention is ego-based.

Ok. Listen up dear ones. I know the art of manifesting and The Secret are a deep part of our consciousness today. Because when we do get really clear on what we want, it oftentimes has a way of happening. 

But things get tricky when the ego is running the show. 

This is when you have an intention of winning an Academy Award so you can prove to all the kids who made fun of you in high school how cool you are now. Or when you want to write a screenplay or a novel so you can get invited onto Super Soul Sunday. Or when you want to do a TEDTalk to prove to your ex what a mistake he made.

Now there’s nothing wrong with wanting to win an Oscar per se. 

The problem is that if you’re looking to get it to prop up your ego —  the fear-based, scarcity-driven, attention-seeking part we all have —  even if your intentions do start to manifest, they most likely aren’t going to give you wanted (or not for very long anyway). 

I mean, think about how many times you have gone on a diet thinking, “If only I could only lose 5 pounds” and then you did it and still had to face dirty laundry, a challenging relationship with your teenager and headlines proclaiming unprecedented levels of inequality and the climate crisis?

A better way to set intentions is a two-part process that you can try on for size:

1. What do I really want to create in my life and how it will benefit me?

2. What do I really want to create in my life and how it will benefit others?

Did you get that? 

If you are looking to master resilience to stress, anxiety and trauma and have a more meaningful impact in the world, you must bring that world into each of your intentions. Otherwise even if you get what you intended, you still won’t feel connected, inspired and be on a sustainable trajectory. 

It’s lonely having a big ego, to be honest. 

Sure you might dream of your TED Talk, but maybe what you really want is to know you matter on a deeper level. 

To know that your presence, exactly as you are in this moment, is important.
To know that you are seen.

To know that your life has value and worth even if you do absolutely nothing. Because you have worth exactly as you are.

So you still might want to lose 5 pounds or get out of a highly lucrative but toxic work environment or feel more confident when you’re asked to be interviewed for one of your favorite magazines, but you do it by reflecting on how you might have more energy to play with your kids, spend more time with your aging parents or how you can be a role model and pave the way for other women in your highly-male dominated field. 

That energy changes everything.

So give adding others to your intentions a shot and see what happens. 

2. You aren’t in proximity to resources. 

At the outset, let me say straight up that I believe all human beings are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. We have infinite creativity and can manifest the most incredible things. 

There is no limit to the expansion of the human soul. 

And we also need to talk straight up about resources.

So often I see folks on a spiritual or personal development path being told that they can manifest anything they put their minds to. 

I’m calling bullshit. 

This is not only untrue. It’s harmful.

As someone raised in a working poor family who has experienced homelessness, I can tell you I had plenty of hopes, dreams and intentions as a kid. My folks just didn’t have the resources for me to do many of the things other kids did and took for granted.

I was deeply grateful when Hala Khouri, one of the founders of the global non-profit Off the Mat, Into the World, a friend and mentor shared some thoughts with me on this.

If you’re a single mother with a hundred of thousands of dollars of unpaid student loans and someone is telling you that if you just use the right mantra, chant the right number of oms or do 108 sun salutations every day, you’ll have financial abundance and all your dreams will come true, run don’t walk to the nearest exit. 

This kind of spiritual bypass is toxic, harmful and, unfortunately, extremely common. 

The solution, as I see it, especially if you are in a position of authority - like teachers, doctors, coaches, counselors, therapists, etc - is to be extremely mindful of vague platitudes about intention setting. 

As income inequality in the US skyrockets, issues related to the fair and equitable access to resources of all human beings are entering more and more conversations. If you’re in any kind of leadership role in particular, it’s especially important to be mindful that we can’t all manifest our intentions, not because we as individuals are flawed, less than or not trying hard enough, but simply because we don’t all have the same access to emotional, physical, financial and spiritual resources in the systems we are in.

This should seem obvious, but it’s often not.

In other words, if your intentions aren’t manifesting as quickly as you’d like, perhaps you need to cut yourself some slack, take a look at the resources you do have, and see how you might leverage those more skillfully. Maybe that means setting up a mutually beneficial and equitable barter exchange with another creative, exchanging dog-walking with your tech savvy neighbor or reaching out to family and friends with specific, clear and actionable ways they can support you. 

3. You aren’t taking action.

By now you’ve heard the story of how Jim Carrey once wrote a check for a million dollars when he was just starting out, put it into his wallet and then ended up becoming a millionaire many times over. 

Yes, he had an intention.

Yes, he wrote it down (a good thing).

Yes, he looked at it frequently (an even better thing).

But you know what else Jim did?

He took action! Massive, aligned action.

That’s right. He got out there, went on gazillions of auditions, showed up for gigs that others might have shunned and got busy. 

So often I see folks get into intention setting, create gorgeous vision boards, and then completely avoid or be paralyzed by taking action. 

(And I know this because I’ve done it, too!)

Now from the perspective of the chakras this makes sense. 

If you aren’t aware of what the chakras really are (and are frankly weirded out by them like I was for years) stay with me here. 

In very simple terms, the chakras are simply energy centers throughout the body. They are like the software programming that affects our bodies, emotions, self-esteem, relationships, creativity, intuition and spirituality. 

Most systems speak of 7 chakras that are each associated with physical organs and our emotional, physical and spiritual development. The lower chakras have to do with safety and security, the body, our sexuality, money and sense of self, while the upper chakras are more related to our sense of conscious connection, love, spirituality and union. 

(For more on this, see the fantastic book Seane Corn suggested to me called Eastern Body, Western Mind by Anodea Judith.)

Someone who loves to create intentions and vision boards but who doesn’t take any action may be someone who is highly intuitive and deeply spiritual (with developed 6th and 7th chakras) but may not have a strong enough ego-identity or sense of self in the 3rd chakra to make and keep her word to herself. 

If this is you, don’t freak out. 

It was me, too. And when I’m not fully practicing all of my practices, it’s a pattern I can still sometimes slip into. 

The solution though isn’t to give up on setting intentions, it’s on healing the 3rd chakra and cultivating the self-esteem necessary to be able to make and keep your commitments to yourself. 

The key to strengthening self-esteem is by taking risks and rising to the challenge. The single most effective way I’ve found this to happen? By keeping your word to yourself. 

For one person, it might be having a talk with your alcoholic husband about what you will no longer tolerate. For another, it might be taking a leap of faith and signing a lease for your own office after spending years at the kitchen table. For another, it might be simply admitting you need some help to get stuff done and have a life.

(Read this blog post if that’s you).

Whatever it is, we must take radical, consistent, aligned action to bring our intentions into fruition. This isn’t a one-and-done thing. It’s a way of being in the world that helps you create the life you were meant to in this life-time.

Moral of the story? 

If your intentions aren’t manifesting, it may be time to tweak them a little bit. Try these three tips and see what you can create.

Let us know in the comments below: Have you struggled with manifesting your intentions? Which of these 3 tips can you try to make your dreams come true?